ZoNa Mini Challenge
by ZeldaAddict42
Summary: Written for the 30 pieces LJ community. Mostly light-hearted, silly stories with Zoro and Nami. T blanket, but each will be marked.
1. Tropical Cocktail, PG

**Title:** Tropical Cocktail  
**Theme:** Mini Challenge 2, #1: Umbrella  
**Pairing:** Zoro x Nami (Very light.)  
**Words:** 419  
**Rating:** PG  
**Warnings:** Consumption of alcohol? Nothing really.  
**Disclaimers:** All characters herein are the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda.

"Zoro, are you coming?" Nami called up to the crow's nest.

"Yeah, in a minute!" Zoro yelled back down. "I've got to finish some reps!" The island they were currently at required several days for the log pose to set, so the residents had set up a resort to capitalize on travelers passing through. While everyone else enjoyed various attractions, Nami and Zoro planned to check out the bar.

"Want me to wait for you?" She sounded impatient. An impatient Nami tended to be a cranky Nami.

"No, go on ahead!"

"Are you sure you'll be able to find the place?" Zoro didn't grace that with a response, since he knew she was teasing. The bar was right next to the docks and had a large, bright sign on the front. Even _he_ couldn't miss it. "Want me to order you a drink?"

"Sure!" It would save time if the booze was already there waiting for him.

"What do you want?"

"I don't care! If it's alcoholic, I'm happy!" He might have rephrased that, had he seen the impish smirk on the navigator's face.

"Alright! See you in a few!"

When he arrived at the bar, Nami was sitting on a barstool sipping something brightly colored and fruity with an identical beverage sitting on the bar next to her in front of a vacant seat. Zoro glared at her.

"What?" she asked, voice dripping with mock innocence. "It's alcoholic!"

"It has an _umbrella_, Nami."

"So?"

"That makes it a girly drink."

"I hate to break it to you," Nami chuckled, "but this is a themed bar. I'm pretty sure _all_ the drinks have umbrellas. These are pretty good, though. They've got a nice bite."

Zoro eyed the glass skeptically.

Nami rolled her eyes and reached over, snagging the bright green paper umbrella from Zoro's drink and tucking it behind one ear.

"There, the umbrella's gone. Better?"

The umbrella definitely looked better on Nami. Green was a good color on her. He must have been staring because she quirked an eyebrow.

"What?"

"Nothing." He sat down and took an experimental swig of the drink. It was a little sweet for his taste, but it _did_ have a nice burn. Nami gave him an "I told you so" smirk. She was still wearing the cocktail umbrella. He dragged his eyes away and took another drink. It'd do.


	2. On Principle, PG

**Title:** On Principle  
**Theme:** Mini Challenge 2, #2: Bandit  
**Pairing:** Zoro x Nami (This one's pretty light, as usual.)  
**Words:** 742  
**Rating:** G/PG  
**Warnings:** None.  
**Disclaimers:** All characters herein are the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda.

Nami knew the strange girl was going to be trouble the instant she laid eyes on her. Her outfit was a carefully calculated balance between innocent--to inspire trust--and flirty--to encourage allowing close contact. It occurred to Nami that it was almost like looking at herself from several years ago. She refused to admit she had ever scanned a tavern full of marks so obviously, however.

Nami took it upon herself to do some scanning of her own, checking to be sure her crew mates weren't making obvious targets of themselves. She didn't have to worry about Sanji, as he was still out supply shopping. Robin was perfectly capable of taking care of herself. Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp were being their usual rambunctious selves in a far corner of the room, but they didn't look the type to carry much cash. Zoro on the other hand...

The swordsman was seated at the bar. A buffer zone of about two stools to either side had been left open by the other patrons. Zoro's clothing and bearing didn't suggest wealth of any sort, but a trained eye readily noted the high quality of his swords.

Sure enough, the girl made straight for Zoro. She ran her fingertips down his arm from shoulder to elbow and leaned in to breathe something in his ear. Zoro laughed out loud and said something in reply that Nami couldn't quite hear above the crowd. From her expression, the stranger hadn't meant her question to be funny.

She must have felt eyes on her, because she turned her head and locked eyes with Nami briefly. The navigator didn't bother to hide her disapproving frown. The stranger narrowed her eyes at Nami and smirked as if to say, "Too bad for you, I got to him first!"

_That's what _you_ think!_ Nami laughed inwardly.

The stranger turned her attention back to Zoro, moving closer to press her body against him. He said something Nami was fairly certain was rude, scooted away, and turned so his back was facing her. The stranger rolled her eyes and started for the door.

Nami intercepted her just outside the tavern.

"You'll never keep getting away with this sort of thing if you're always that obvious about it," Nami remarked offhandedly.

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," the girl retorted. Nami moved further into her space, leaning in much as the other woman had at the bar.

"That guy in there is a friend of mine. If you give me back what you took, maybe I won't report it."

"You can't prove anything!"

"No need." Nami stepped back, holding up the wallet she had just retrieved. The girl gaped. Her jaw dropped even further, if that were possible, when Nami held up her other hand, which held several other wallets she had lifted at the same time. "We'll consider these a lesson fee."

"Lesson?"

"Yeah." Nami smirked at the dumbfounded pickpocket. "If you're going to do something, it's worth making sure you do it well. Also, don't steal from pirates."

Zoro was waiting for her when she reentered the tavern. He rolled his eyes when he saw the extra wallets.

"I figured you wouldn't go after her just for me, especially since she only took my decoy wallet." Nami had encouraged everyone to carry the dummy cash-holders stuffed with scraps of spare map parchment, keeping their actual money more carefully concealed.

"It's the principle of the thing," Nami informed him. "_Your_ money is pretty much _my_ money, and nobody gets to even _think_ they can walk off with what's mine." She fought a sudden urge to run her fingers over the skin the other girl had touched. "I don't share." Another thought occurred to Nami. "What'd she ask that was so funny?"

"She asked if I was here all alone." Zoro laughed again at the memory. "I told her I'm almost never 'all alone.' Guess that's a good thing, huh?"

"Definitely," Nami rejoined with a smirk, holding up Zoro's _actual_ wallet, "because you're _completely_ hopeless! Come on, I'm going to buy myself a drink with _my_ money."

Zoro's expression was priceless.


	3. Artificial Enhancement, T

**Title:** Artificial Enhancement  
**Theme:** Mini Challenge 2, #3: Fake  
**Pairing:** Zoro x Nami (Though it's pretty weak...)  
**Words:** 763  
**Rating:** T/PG-13  
**Warnings:** Uh, innuendo? General naughtiness? I'd say more, but it'd give things away...  
**Disclaimers:** All characters herein are the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda.

Nami stood from her desk for a full body stretch. She had been putting the finishing touches on her latest map for what felt like _forever_. From the angle of the light coming in through the porthole, it would still be a while until dinner, but she felt like a snack and Sanji was always willing to whip something up for her.

They were quickly approaching a summer island, and the climate zone reflected that fact. Sanji had left the door to the galley propped open to allow airflow. Nami could make out the cook's voice clearly. He was engaged in one of his favorite pastimes--waxing poetic about the women of the crew.

"Nami's are almost hypnotizingly beautiful." Sanji sighed. She stopped out of view of the doorway to listen. She was curious to hear which features were so fascinating to Sanji at the moment.

"Aren't they all more or less the same?" Nami was a little surprised at the identity of Sanji's conversation partner. What was Zoro doing in the galley? She chanced a quick peek around the doorframe. Zoro had his swords spread out on the galley table for cleaning. Neither man had seen her.

"Absolutely not! Nami's are stunning and full and... and..." Sanji searched for the proper adjective.

"Fake?" Zoro supplied.

"You take that back!" Sanji fumed.

"Okay," Zoro conceded, "maybe not _fake_, but they've definitely been artificially enhanced." Nami blinked. They couldn't _actually_ be talking about what she _thought_ they were talking about! Right?

"Oh really?" Sanji sneered. "How would _you_ know?"

"Haven't you ever looked at them close up?"

"I'm supposed to believe that you _have_?"

"Well, sure. She's always getting in my face about me owing her money..."

"I still don't believe it!"

"You can't really tell all the time," Zoro continued. "Next time she dresses fancy, though, take a good look." Apparently she needed to rethink some of her wardrobe choices... She couldn't recall Zoro ever staring, though. Oddly, the idea wasn't _completely_ repellant! It was sort of flattering that she had attracted the attention of someone who, to all intents and purposes, seemed oblivious to all things sexual.

Why was she still out here? She took a deep, bracing breath and marched into the galley. Those boys needed to be set straight...

"They're real." She leveled an intense glare at the both of them. "I'd also like to let you know that I am _highly offended_ that you talk about me like this when I'm not here!"

Sanji, of course, looked suitably ashamed. Zoro appeared vaguely amused.

"How long were you listening?" he asked.

"Long enough." She looked at him expectantly.

"What?"

"I'm waiting for an apology." When her glare never wavered, Zoro rolled his eyes.

"Sorry," Zoro offered. "I honestly didn't think it was this big a deal, but I guess women are really sensitive about makeup and stuff." He calmly started gathering his things in preparation to leave. Nami gaped.

"Wait, _what_?!" She turned to Sanji, whom she knew could never lie to her. "What _exactly_ were you two talking about?"

"Moss-head here had the audacity to say that your eyelashes-"

"_Eyelashes_?!"

"Yes." Zoro narrowed his eyes at her. "Why? What did you think... we... were..." Realization struck both men at the same time and two sets of eyes automatically focused on Nami's chest.

"Stop that!" Both men obediently looked away. Against all logic, Nami felt slightly guilty for assuming the worst of them. "In that case, I revise my statement," she found herself saying. Both men looked confused.

"Revise _how_?" Sanji mumbled. How had Zoro phrased it? Oh yeah...

"My eyelashes _are_ 'artificially enhanced.'" Sanji gasped. "I'm a redhead, Sanji-kun. They barely show up _at all_ without mascara."

"Told you so." Zoro smirked at the cook. He paused briefly beside Nami on his way out of the galley. "Thanks for sharing about... you know. Not that I wondered or anything." Then he was gone.

Nami glared after him, blushing slightly. _Somebody_ was getting a hike in his interest!


	4. Nami Puts Out a Hit, T

**Title:** Nami Puts Out a Hit  
**Theme:** Mini Challenge 2, #4: Scorpion  
**Pairing:** Zoro x Nami (You guessed it: light!)  
**Words:** 753  
**Rating:** T/PG-13 (Overly cautious author is overly cautious.)  
**Warnings:** One swear word and some mild violence.  
**Disclaimers:** The scorpion is mine, but that is all. Everybody else belongs to Oda.

Zoro had just sprawled out in the sun for a nap when a shadow fell over him. He cracked one eye to see Nami looking down at him. Her expression was serious and she looked a tad pale.

"Is something wrong?" He didn't remember seeing or hearing anything out of the ordinary on his way to his favorite nap spot.

"I need you to take care of something for me."

"Why's it have to be me? Need something heavy moved or something?"

"No..."

"Why don't you get the cook to help you then? He'd love to, I'm sure." He closed the eye again.

"Sanji... He _can't_ help me with this..." Both of Zoro's eyes snapped open at that. Something _he_ could do that Sanji couldn't? Interesting...

"Keep talking." He sat up and gave the navigator his undivided attention. She almost seemed embarrassed for a moment before she took a deep breath.

"There'sthisgiantscorpioninthegirls'room!"

Zoro blinked. "Say _what_?"

"I _said_," she spoke unnecessarily slowly this time, in a condescending tone to boot, "there's a _giant scorpion_ in the girl's room and I want you to _kill it for me_."

"You woke me up for _that_? Get Usopp to take care of it; he likes that kind of thing." He laid back down.

"Oh, please! You weren't asleep, yet! Besides, Usopp will want to _keep_ it, and I want it _dead_!" He could clearly see the angry expression on her face in his mind's eye, but he figured that if he ignored her long enough, maybe she'd go away. "I'm not just going to go away..." Sometimes it was like she could read minds...

"What'd it ever do to you? It's probably just as freaked out by you, you know!" She kicked him in the side for that one.

"It's gross and creepy and it's _watching me_ with its little, buggy eyes!"

Any minute now she'd use her tried and true method to get what she wanted from him: blackmail regarding his "debt."

"Please?" He hadn't been expecting that! He opened his eyes to find Nami crouched directly in front of him, lower lip protruding and eyes wide and slightly teary. She must be taking lessons from Chopper... "It'll only take a minute! I won't be able to sleep if I know it's creeping around somewhere..." When she saw him waver slightly she added a lip quiver.

"Fine! Stop with the face!"

Nami's expression immediately morphed to a smug grin, and she grabbed his wrist and dragged him off to the girls' quarters. Zoro scanned the room, but didn't see any creepy-crawlies.

"Well, looks like it's gone!" Zoro spun on his heel. "Guess I'll just-"

"Don't even _think_ about it!" Nami snapped. "I know it's still in here! _Lurking_..."

Suddenly, something black scuttled out from under Nami's bed. She shrieked and clambered up onto Zoro's back, burrowing her face between his shoulder blades.

"Kill it! Kill it! _Kill it!_"

Zoro shuffled stiffly over to the scorpion, since Nami had unconsciously placed him in a bit of a full nelson. The "giant" arachnid was about the size of a gold piece.

"Sorry, little guy," Zoro apologized as he lifted his foot. "Sometimes life's a bitch." The scorpion met its demise under Zoro's boot with an exceedingly anticlimactic squelch. "Okay. It's dead."

Nami peeked over his shoulder and wrinkled her nose at the smear on the floor that was formerly a scorpion. After a moment, she realized just _where_ she was and scrambled back down. She looked away and cleared her throat.

"Thank you, Zoro. That will be all."

"Yeah, whatever. You're welcome, I guess." He couldn't keep his mouth from quirking into a smile, even though he tried to maintain his usual gruff indifference.

He headed back out on deck and stretched out again. He was just nodding off when the soothing sunlight was blocked again.

"What?" He refused to admit to himself that he had sounded whiny _at all_.

Nami actually looked rather sheepish. "Spider?"


	5. Body Language, T

**Title:** Body Language  
**Theme:** Mini challenge 2, #5: Ostrich  
**Pairing:** Zoro x Nami (Though this one could easily be interpreted as close friends.)  
**Words:** 698  
**Rating:** T/PG-13  
**Warnings:** References to certain animal behavior. Some OOC behavior, also.  
**Continuity: **Takes place during the Alabasta filler arc, in case anybody wonders, "Who the heck is Scorpion?"  
**Disclaimers:** All characters herein are the intellectual property of Eiichiro Oda. Though Scorpion and company belong to whoever wrote that filler, I think. Still not me!

As Nami stood back to watch Scorpion's tearful reunion with his sons, she realized she was being watched herself. Popo the ostrich was staring at her intently. She was about to comment on it when the large bird suddenly lowered his head and began weaving from side to side, flapping each wing alternately. Afraid the bird might be preparing to attack her, Nami began edging away and backed into Zoro.

"Hey, watch where you're going!"

"That bird is freaking me out." Nami tugged on the sleeve of Zoro's robe. "Do something about it!"

"What exactly do you want me to do?" Zoro asked, putting his hands out to the side in a wide shrug. Popo's gaze snapped to him, then the ostrich turned back to Nami and began flapping again in earnest.

Nami tried to duck behind Zoro.

"What are you _doing_?" He demanded. "Stop it!" He kept turning to keep Nami in his line of sight, arms flailing. This resulted in Nami running in a small circle around him, hunched slightly.

"I'm _trying_ to hide!" Nami snapped. "_You_ hold _still_!"

Usopp cleared his throat loudly, and Nami and Zoro turned to see that everyone was now staring at them. Popo seemed a little dejected, Usopp, Vivi, and Ace were amused, Scorpion and his sons looked a little shocked, Luffy and Sanji were confused, and Chopper was covering his eyes with his front hooves. There was a long moment of silence.

"Are they done now?" Chopper asked, peeking with one eye.

"What are you talking about?" Nami and Zoro asked at the same time.

"You see, uh..." Scorpion cleared his throat. "Sometimes when an ostrich is raised around people, it expresses, er, 'interest' in people the same way it would another ostrich..."

"You mean..." Nami gasped, cheeks flushing, as she realized what Popo had been doing. He wasn't going to attack her--he'd been hitting on her, ostrich style.

"I'm mighty surprised you handled it the way you did, though," Scorpion added with a chuckle.

"By running away?" Zoro asked, slightly puzzled.

"No," Chopper corrected, "by showing interest in another male. You guys were just doing the ostrich mating dance." Chopper's eyes widened and he put a hoof to his mouth. "You mean you _didn't know_?"

"This is your fault!" Nami jabbed a finger at Zoro. "Flapping your arms like that! I should charge you for the humiliation incurred here!"

"Me?!" Zoro barked back. "You're the one who came to me! Why didn't you just ask Scorpion to call off his bird? If I'd known that was the equivalent of ostrich foreplay, I wouldn't have done it!"

"Me, neither!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Should we leave you two _love birds_ alone?" Usopp teased, grinning broadly.

"Shut up, Usopp!" Nami and Zoro chorused.

After a little more mostly good-natured ribbing, the subject was dropped after Nami threatened to institute a discussion fee. Scorpion and family left, Ace bade them farewell, and the rest decided to keep traveling until sunset.

Zoro approached Nami later, at that night's campsite.

"Just so you know," he mumbled, avoiding eye contact, "if I was interested in that sort of thing with you, I'd let you know like a man, not a bird."

"If?" Nami teased. She had meant it as a joke, but Zoro blushed. There was a moment of awkward silence. "I know you would," Nami finally stated.

During dinner, Nami waited until no one else was looking at her and Zoro was taking a drink before slightly flapping her arms and wiggling her eyebrows at the swordsman. He promptly choked, alarming Chopper.

He retaliated later by walking up behind Vivi as she was trying to talk to Nami, flapping his arms and looking at Nami out of one eye while bobbing his head, sending her into a fit of giggles.

She apologized profusely to Vivi, and shot him a glare. He stuck his tongue out at her, and just like that, the tension from earlier was gone.


End file.
